we're blogging at a bar
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
