shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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