I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
