I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
