sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
smell my finger.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
