i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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