Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
