so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize