omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
