Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
