Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Buhtt sex?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
