brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You ruined the universe
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
