Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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