I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
