another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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