yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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