jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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