"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
