i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
