How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
