Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
