Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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