Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You pole danced in your parka.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
