My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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