the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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