I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
