i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize