If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
