problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
