I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
