Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
