I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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