you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
