matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
