If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
