he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
