i permit you to call me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
