please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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