the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
