My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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