"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
