she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The adults are the big ones right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
