Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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