Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
