This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
