Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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