help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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