She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize