The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
