I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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