you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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