my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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