I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
