I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
