That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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