if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Rumble strips road head = magical
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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