I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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