Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
