I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
