her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
