i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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