I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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