Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
