you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
third nipple confirmed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
