Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
