u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
