the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
