the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
