If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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