i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
