Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
