I accidentally burped into my bong.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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