Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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