so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
