Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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