Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize