He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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