My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize