I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
